Flickr photos by Richard Fosh

There are two types

There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

There are 10 types

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

A woman gets on a bus

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Wow, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''Get up there and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

My mate rang me and asked

My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?"
I said, "Probably failing my driving test."

A guy decides he wants

A man decides he wants to learn to play bass. He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. THe next lesson he instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replys "I can't make next lesson, I have a gig."

The Dalai Lama walks

The Dalai Lama walks up to an ice cream van. He asks the driver, "can you make me one with everything?"

...

He hands the driver a twenty pound note, which the driver pockets.
Lama says "Hey, where's my change?"
Driver says "Change comes from within."

Two parrots were sitting

Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One says to the other, 'Can you smell fish?'

Doctor: "I am not exactly

Doctor: "I am not exactly sure why you're ill. I think it could be due to alcohol."
Patient: "That's ok. I will come back when you are sober."

Einstein developed a theory

Einstein developed a theory about space.
It was about time too.

A man goes home to his wife

A man goes home to his wife and shows her his latest tattoo of a spreadsheet on his chest.
"You've really Excelled yourself this time!" she says.

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