"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.""That depends, sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
I'm not posh - I'm just jolly good at polo.
It's that age old question:How old are you?
After a row my wife sent me a text to say I was very condescending.To be honest I was surprised she could spell it.
The definition of irony:Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - fear of long words. jfgi.
I had to google "jfgi" to see what it meant.The irony is overwhelming.
My wife says that I never solve my own problems.How do I prove her wrong?
My best friend came up to me yesterday and said, "This is a photo of me when I was younger."I replied, "Every photo is of when you were younger."
My wife thinks I'm too nosey.At least, that's what she wrote in her diary and texted to all her mates.
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