My best friend came up

My best friend came up to me yesterday and said, "This is a photo of me when I was younger."
I replied, "Every photo is of when you were younger."

My wife thinks I'm too

My wife thinks I'm too nosey.
At least, that's what she wrote in her diary and texted to all her mates.

Conversation with an

Conversation with an egotist: "Well, that's enough about me, now tell me what you think about me."

All I ask is a chance

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

I'm currently reading

I'm currently reading a book about North African invaders during Medieval times and can't put it down.
Its very moorish.

I was driving down the road

I was driving down the road when I ran over some humus. A little further on, I hit taramasalata. Then I saw a road sign:
'Caution - dips in road'

Without me, it's

Without me, it's just aweso.

I had a candlelit dinner

I had a candlelit dinner the other night.
Everything was really undercooked.

I met the bloke who

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name.
It's P something T something R.

I've put in so many shifts

I've put in so many shifts where I work recently that they've decided to fire me.
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as it looks.

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