I'm not posh - I'm just

I'm not posh - I'm just jolly good at polo.

It's that age old question:

It's that age old question:
How old are you?

After a row my

After a row my wife sent me a text to say I was very condescending.
To be honest I was surprised she could spell it.

The definition of irony:

The definition of irony:
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - fear of long words. jfgi.

I had to google

I had to google "jfgi" to see what it meant.
The irony is overwhelming.

My wife says that

My wife says that I never solve my own problems.
How do I prove her wrong?

My best friend came up

My best friend came up to me yesterday and said, "This is a photo of me when I was younger."
I replied, "Every photo is of when you were younger."

My wife thinks I'm too

My wife thinks I'm too nosey.
At least, that's what she wrote in her diary and texted to all her mates.

Conversation with an

Conversation with an egotist: "Well, that's enough about me, now tell me what you think about me."

All I ask is a chance

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

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