www.foshy.co.uk

I saw a poster that said, "Breathing air in metropolitan areas can reduce your life expectancy by 2-3 years".
I would imagine that not breathing air would reduce it considerably more.

The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.
She hit the roof.

Wind turbines.
I'm a big fan.

I got done for shoplifting in ASDA today.
I paid for six cans of Sprite at the self checkout, but when security checked my bag he discovered I'd picked seven up.

Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.
I nearly dropped my iPhone.

A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today, and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath.
I tried to help, but I could only knock one out.

A G N B :
That's bang out of order.

There's a gang going through our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order...
The police believe they're still at large.

Me and my mate have discovered that we both have a fetish for seagulls ...
We're very civilised about it and one watches when the other's having his tern.